the way I are

Loooooong T-giving weekend was genius. Many thanks for the pilgrims, even in the wake of knowing what they did to the indiginous peoples of N. America and the wasteful and consumeristic culture they began for our country... but I digress. Nevertheless feasting and resting for some odd days is ALWAYS a good one in my book.


Except when in the aftermath of being unproductive we forget how to kick it back in gear and dig in... like, say... now.

So pretty much I've been sitting on my bed among the things I carried back from the long weekend home, doing anything BUT study for the pharmacology exam on Tuesday (which was also not touched over the weekend, either)- I have no real impetus to do well, aside from I need to get a 2 pt to keep a 2 pt, but that's not that inspirational of a goal, as you might imagine...


And so really, have I studied one ounce going into the day before the exam? no. Do I even know what topics are covered on this unit? not really. Do I seem to be panicking about it? Obviously not. Like I said, the way I are. Calm even when I shouldn't be. One day I'll die in a fire because 'it's no big deal'... sigh.



But while I've been lounging and procrastinating, I found myself contemplating a thought or a concept or a bit of wonder that I've previously stewed in my mindpot, starting back in high school - I remember an encounter with a stranger in the bathroom at MHS, which I'm pretty sure stirred the thought out of thin air and into my head...) - themes of compatibility. And not only on basic 'opposities attract?' mentalities or chinese zodiac menus (though that's interesting, too...), but rather how first impressions work in the brain and connect to the emotions and response. Visuals, of course, but things like gut instincts are in there too; and then progession along or against what you expect out of another person and how that fits in with your paradigm of life and how you live it (ok that might be a bit broad, but I think you know what I mean.) What is it that triggers that sense of compatibility in you when you meet someone? When you aren't even sure of anything about them except that they're before you? (Or, in this world of messengers and online chat and matchmaking services, how do profiles and first e-impressions hit the brain? How do the differ from meeting in real life?)


I've always wondered if it's something primal that we haven't yet evolved out of with our technology and culturing of the race into a 'formal' society... pheromones or MHC complexes or facial cues or any of a million other hormonally-derived circuits our bodies have without us ever being fully aware of them. Is it really scent or sight or any number of these subtle things that give me a sense of comfort around certain individuals and a sense of... put-off-edness, disgust, or general incompatibility- "that woman's a bitch" - with someone else? And do they [the internal signals] always match? (I mean, I'm assuming not...) But is my body's sense of compatibility in tune with the others, or everyone else, for that matter? Do we both feel the same thing when we approach or introduce one another? Are those that 'don't get the hint' those with faulty systems? What a fascinating, but absolutely impossible, line of research or just mystery of nature in general.


And off of that line, in a more theoretical line, anecdotal- I don't mean to put these things in relationship terms only, because I think they definitely apply to friendship, commensalism, and teamwork of many types, but what makes these things turn around? Why do they fail when something starts to turn sour? I mean by this, how can things go really well, all the signals or cues start off great, and then something unexpected- the curveball, if you will - comes out and is the dealbreaker and no possible amount of past compatibility could reverse it. I guess what I really mean is how does that 'calibration' fluctuate? Of course, we don't know everything about a person when we decide to enter a relationship with them- we can't tell that they have a dysfunctional family of epic proportions or like to clip their toenails on the couch or are actually a Republican (haha), or any number of other inane things that make you go "ooh..." - but we, optimists (or at least me), like to think that there couldn't possibly be those secret closet things hiding at the onset. Is that the intersect of two responses we have engrained which, together, work to our disadvantage? And is it ok for it to be that way in the long run because we're supposed to use our adaptability to get past the bumps in the road? Is the ideal relationship one that continues to be more and more fulfilling? Only grows exponentially and doesn't fluctuate like this? Is there such a thing that isn't just written into a tragically beautiful love song? Obviously no clear answer on that one. Just asking for hypothetical's sake.


Furthermore, I like to think I can get a pretty good read of people (must be all that people watching I take up in my spare time... loooove it) just by looking at them, watching some behaviors, and most of all, looking into their eyes- even in pictures. Are they a sharp intellect, a warm heart? I tend to believe I can get a relatively accurate lay of it just by observation. (aside from sexuality... my gaydar is HORRIFIC- working on it all the time, people...) Anyway, where does that fit into all of this? Am I (Are we) really just creating a presumtion of someone as we see them and pick up cues we identify with certain traits, as they do the same with us, and then choosing to take their actions and opinions to fit within that outline of who they are? Is THAT where we get into trouble? Is it all memory-based, experiential? If someone were raised among rosy-cheeked invidividuals who were neurotic anarchists, would their first impression of a flushed stranger be influenced as such- would they assume them to have a scatterbrained anti-establishment spirit about them? And how much can we break these preconcieved notions by being presented with evidence to the contrary? ...Sounds kind of like stereotypes and racism, no? Realistically, could be a reason these sorts of things persist even when we're taught that they ought not...


Anyway, don't mean to waterlog the first real post with a lot of psychobabble, especially as a 'hard' scientist, haha, but this is the kind of thing my mind gets going on (maybe as a release from memorizing dictionaries) when it's ready to work but not on the task at hand. We'll see if anything comes of it, but I think that the roots of this thought are pretty deep and I'll be revisiting it again and again from different angles for a long time to come. Guess I'll have to invest in some pheromones and see what happens... am I right? ;)



here's looking at you, kid,

L




currently listening:
Happy As I Am- Peter Mulvey
Desperately Wanting- Better Than Ezra
Guyamas Sonora- Beirut